Wounds that Heal

Can he have followed far who has no wound nor scar? – Amy Carmichael

…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. – Isaiah 61:3

…in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears. – Psalm 18:6 NLT

As of this writing, nearly 43 years ago, (May 14th 1980) at about 6:20 am … My three day old baby girl died, exhaling her last, precious breath …

Tracing the memory back in my mind’s eye, I can still smell the fragrance of her newborn baby skin and the softness of her delicate hands and fingertips as they curled around my finger. The tragedy and guttural pain of that day is seared in my mind and memory – leaving a scar as real as any branding iron. Her short life ended in part due to my drug use and poor nutrition – and being barely 15 years old, I gave little thought to good nutrition. The pain of her death was made even worse because of the guilt I felt in her passing. I vividly recall holding her now lifeless body and whimpering through tears, “Look what I’ve done…” There are no words to describe the anguish a parent feels when a child dies, which is magnified beyond measure when our actions were part of that outcome.

I share that very personal and deeply painful memory because through her death, I cried out to God in desperation. And He heard my cry .

He hears your cries as well.

The nurses were so kind to allow me time alone in a room with a rocking chair, and my precious little one, who I named Tiffany Anne. In that room, I held her, rocked her and cried. Buckets of tears. Finally, I told God, “If You’re really there, and I’m not so sure You are … but if You are… would You help me? Wherever she is, I want to be someday and I don’t know how to get there ...”

43 years ago, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. I had no idea what I was doing, but our God is true to His Word, He promises that if we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him. I found Jesus Christ alone in a hospital room at Children’s hospital, as I cradled my little one.

While there were no magic wands to wave away the series of bad choices I had already made, or would continue to struggle with for years to come – He has faithfully walked with me through it all. Walking out in real life the Truth that He does indeed “Cause all things to work together for our good and His glory.” Romans 8:28. And as C.S. Lewis so accurately put it, “God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain.”

As you and I struggle through our own wounds-that-heals scenarios – I’m reminding you as I remind myself – He is no less faithful today as He was 43 years ago… Not to necessarily remove our trials but to walk us through them. And wonder of wonders, bring good from them along the way.

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20 NIV

Father, Precious Savior – My heart still aches with the memory and heartache – yet I am grateful beyond words that it’s only “Till we meet again” – not goodbye. And I am blown away at Your ability to bring such good from such tragedy. To have the honor of honoring You… I love You – In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.

Written by Becky White for the Lord Jesus.

To watch a short video of my story, click here.